The Ink Awards
by Your Sugar Sits Untouched
Summary: An interactive awards show in which the reader can vote for the winners, and also possibly win an award of their own for their fanfictions! Hosted by Ali Jordans and Elena Matthews. R&R!
1. Indroduction

**I must be really losing it, coming up with an awards show for the Inkheart trilogy. But whatever. It must be somewhat interesting if you actually decided to check it out. **

_**The Ink Awards**_

It was late Tuesday night, and everyone was gathering around Cora Theater. This year, the Cora Theater was hosting the popular awards show, _The Ink Awards_. Being the least-organized awards show in the history of fictional award shows, voting for _The Ink Awards _hadn't started yet. The awards still weren't delivered, the security guards had decided to quit at last minute, and the contestants were no where to be seen. Neither were the two hosts

Ali Jordans and Elena Matthews were busy convincing Elena's brother Tommy to read the Inkheart characters out so the award show will actually work. Turns out the gift is available in our world too.

"Tommy, you've done this for the past eight years. Why can't you do it this year?" Ali asked, clearly annoyed.

"I told you, the pay isn't good enough." replied Tommy.

"We can't have _The Ink Awards_ without the characters, can we? How will they accept their awards? Who will voters vote for if, technically, the Inkheart characters don't exist?" said Elena.

"Can't you hire another Reader? Or maybe just redo the entire award show and make it something a bit more realistic." asked Tommy stubbornly.

"It's five minutes until the show airs, no time. And since when was having the Inkheart characters for an awards show un-realistic?" asked Ali, who wasn't the smartest.

"We'll triple your pay, and you can have my room." said Elena to Tommy, hoping her fourteen-year-old brother agrees.

"Deal." agreed Tommy, shaking hands with Elena. Heaving a sigh of relief, Elena passed Inkheart to Tommy. After a few moments, Mo, Meggie, Dustfinger, Elinor, Farid, Capricorn, Basta, Fenoglio, the Adderhead, Roxane, the Piper, Mortola and Orpheus were standing in the middle of Ali's dressing room. Taurey, the show's producer ran into the dressing room at that same moment giving everyone a confused look.

"Where have you all been?" she snapped, "Show starts in…one minute and 23 seconds. Hosts—backstage. Now. Contestants, retreat immediately to your V.I.P. seats before the show starts. Hurry, people! Move, move, move!" Taurey was never in the most optimistic mood before _The Ink Awards_ aired, and it didn't help that nothing ever went right.

Waiting backstage, Elena and Ali played multiple games of rock paper scissors, while people run around, shouting curses and dropping extremely important props. Finally, it was time to make their entrance.

The girls walked onstage, waving to the crowd. Into her microphone, Ali said "Welcome to the 10th annual _Ink Awards_! The voting has officially started! To vote, you can either vote on fanfiction—Unleash your imagination—through a review, or on our temporary website that is currently not working! So really, your only option is through review."

"This years sponsors are fanfiction (Unleash your imagination), Pink Pigeon, and my parents!" said Elena.

"There will be ten categories this year, whether you like it or not. This includes Best Evil Plan That Didn't Work, Worst Character, Best Villain, Worst Villain, Best Couple, Funniest Character, Most Dramatic Character, Character With Strangest Obsession, Most Sue-ish or Stu-ish Character and Best Overall Character. Two extra categories have just been added specifically for fanfiction (Unleash your imagination) users which include Best Category Author and Best Category Story. Category is Inkheart, if you didn't already realize that."

"Anyone with an account on fanfiction (Unleash your imagination) that has written a story for Inkheart is eligible to win either award."

"I'm your host Elena Matthews."

"And I'm Ali Jordans. The other host." The crowd cheered and clapped for their two favorite hosts ever. This is quite an accomplishment since they both are only fourteen.

"We'll be starting with the category Best Evil Plan That Didn't Work. Eligible to win this award are Capricorn and his plan to unleash the terrible Shadow on us, the Adderheard and his plan to become immortal, Orpheus and his plan to kill Mo and bring back Dustfinger from the dead at the same time and, last but not least, Mortola's plan to kill Meggie so Mo will get very, very sad and she will have revenge on him for killing her son. The last one is very touching, but, ironically, Capricorn isn't dead at the moment. He's actually sitting next to his mother, Mortola. Voting for this category has just started, viewers/readers! Log onto .net (Unleash your imagination) now to cast your vote!"

"We'll be back to present the award right after this commercial break!" said Ali.

**Now I need your votes, readers! You can vote whether you have an account or not, anonymous votes will be included. Vote for either Capricorn, the Adderhead, Orpheus or Mortola. Voting ends Sunday, August 30, 2009 at 11:59am. That's in a week. Don't forget to vote and give me your opinion on this story/award show.**


	2. Best Evil Plan That Didn't Work

_**The Ink Awards**_

_**(Part 2)**_

While people around the world were watching a salty peanut commercial, the fantabulous hosts were receiving the final votes. Surreptitiously, the sneaked a look at the results and Ali yelled, "Ha! I told you it would be them! I won the bet, you owe me $6.39!" Elena groaned and handed Ali the money. When the commercial was finally done (it turned out to be a 15 minute infomercial for peanuts, but a good deal of the audience lost interest, so they cut the infomercial short) the crowd was buzzing with excitement.

"The results are in." said Elena. The crowd whooped and cheered.

"But we're not gonna tell you who won, because first we have a presentation by Marty's Magic Muskrats!" Ali added. The crowd suddenly went silent, glaring at Ali with hostile looks.

"April fools!" sang Ali, but then Elena whispered to her, "It's August 30."

"Ali was just joking. The winner for Best Evil Plan That Didn't Work goes to…"

Ali suddenly grabs a drum from backstage and starts beating it madly, trying to get the drumroll effect.

"Paul Saskament!" shouts Elena happily.

"Who the heck's he?" shouts some guy in the audience.

"Oh, that's the Adderhead's real name. Anyways, the Adder wins!" Half the crowd cheered, and half booed.

"Shut up, people. It's you guys who voted!" Ali yelled at the boo-ers. The Adderhead walked up on stage and grabbed Elena's microphone to say his acceptance speech.

"First of all, where's my award?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah. Well…er…there's been a slight delay with the awards. A bear attacked the truck that was shipping them, so in the meantime, have this pretty origami I made yesterday!" said Ali, handing the Adderhead what looked to be a ball of paper.

"Uh, what is that?" Elena asked.

"A crane! Can't you tell? There's the neck, and there's the wings…or is that the wings and that the neck?" Ali said, pointing at random places on the paper ball.

"Uh…it's very nice, I suppose." said the Adder, taking the supposed crane and inspecting it.

"So do you have a speech ready?" asked Elena.

"Oh, yeah! Ahem. I would like to thank Cornelia Funke for creating me and my evil plans…" Fenoglio starts yelling that the Adderhead is _his_ creation, and not some woman named Cornelia's. Everyone ignores him, since everyone in our world knows that Cornelia Funke created Fenoglio and the Adder. "And I'd also like to thank my mommy. Love you mommy!" The Adderhead suddenly bursts into tears and Ali passes him a tissue. "Here…tissue?"

"Yes, thank you." sobs the Adder, taking the tissue and blowing his nose, "It's just _so hard to believe _that my dream has finally come true! I've reached the status of Evil Genius Who's Evil Plans Never Work! And this award is…uh…a dream come true! I dreamt about winning this for years."

"Go Paul Saskament!" cheered Ali.

"Anyways, there you have it! The first award/origami thingy has been presented!"

"Maybe I should make more origami cranes just in case the awards don't arrive…" said Ali.

"Sure, Ali. Why don't you go do that now?" asked Elena. Ali nodded and hurried off stage to gather paper squares for origami.

"Next award to be presented is Worst Character. Eligible to win this award is everyone, but if you forget who 'everyone' would be, it's Mo, Meggie, Dustfinger, Elinor, Farid, Capricorn, Basta, Fenoglio, the Adderhead, Roxane, the Piper, Mortola and Orpheus! So vote for your least favorite character, people!"

_We'll be back after these messages. Stay tuned._

**Well there you have it! The Adder (Paul Saskament) won! Thanks for all the votes people! Now I need your votes for Worst character! Votes will be counted Next Sunday, same time! Peace out!**

**XOXO Pink Pigeon**


	3. Worst Character and Loss of a Host

_**The Ink Awards**_

_**(Part Three)**_

It took a while for the hosts to receive the results for Worst Character. Apparently, the show's computer decided to go on strike and it deleted the voting results. Luckily, once Taurey had spoken to the computer about its foolish behavior, it retrieved all its lost data and the votes could be counted. In the meantime, Ali taught a quick class on how to make origami cranes and Elena did cartwheels around the stage. Once the crowd had gotten bored of them, (Which was directly after two failed cartwheels by Elena and 56 seconds into Ali's origami class) they invited the Inkheart characters to do a quick talent show.

Dustfinger played with fire, doing brilliant tricks, but he had to be kicked off stage when he caught the stage on fire. The Black Prince did tricks with his bear (who, we later found out, was the same bear that attacked the truck carrying the awards.), Roxane sang and danced, the Piper sang, too, but he sucks at singing thanks to his stupid silver nose. Orpheus gave us a speech on why he's so awesome, ("Ha! Yeah right." Elena had snickered.) which put the entire audience to sleep, Mo read out aloud, and now Elena has a pet baby dragon. Ali got a sea serpent. The talent show was overall very uneventful, if you know what I mean.

Finally, Taurey emerged on stage with the voting results.

"You'll never guess the things that computer called me before giving me the votes!" she exclaimed furiously. Ali nodded sympathetically and Elena grabbed the results.

"Okay, so the paper crane for Worst Character goes to…no drumroll please, Ali." Elena said. Ali sulked and threw her drum offstage.

"Orpheus! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is _really_ his name. Orpheus Stevens. I don't know why no one wanted to believe that was his real name, but there you have it. It is." said Elena. The crowd booed and threw tomatoes (The farmers grew tomatoes especially for this show every year. They make quite a lot of money off it.) as their least favorite character walked on stage proudly.

"So, Orpheus, how does it feel to be the most hated person in this room?" asked Ali.

"Well, good actually. I must being doing something right if everyone hates me. I am a villain, after all." he said smoothly.

"Actually, most people _like_ the decent villains. You, however, have just won 'Worst Character'. That means you're doing everything _wrong_ and you're hated for it. Yeah, that's the truth. Go cry in a corner, if you must. Everyone hates you, Orpheus! YOU SHOULD DIE!!!!" screamed Elena.

"Oh my god, Elena. Calm down! I've never seen you like this!" said Ali in disbelief. Some paramedics then had to rush onstage to usher the deranged Elena offstage. She was screaming insults and death threats at Orpheus the entire time.

"Well that was interesting," said Orpheus, not fazed by Elena comments.

"Anyways, here's your crane, Orpheus. I don't think anyone wants to hear your acceptance speech. They all fell asleep during your last speech." said Ali, handing him his crane, still no better then the Adder's.

"My voice is so beautiful it puts people to sleep!" Orpheus exclaimed happily, tearing up.

"I don't think that's the reason…"

Ignoring Ali's request to skip his speech, Orpheus spoke about how he 'Always knew he was awesome' and that 'He's the best villain evah!'. His voice droned on and on for at least a half an hour, by which time the audience was asleep once again. Once Orpheus was done, he was quickly ushered back to his seat and Ali addressed the audience.

"Okay, so voting has started for Best Villain. The Adder and Orpheus are ellegible to win this second prize, and Basta, Capricorn, the Piper and Mortola have a shot at winning it too. Good luck, evil people!" said Ali, "And Elena may not be returning for the rest of the show, unfortunately. After screaming so much, she has passed out and smacked her head on the marble floor in the lounge. She's been out cold for the past hour or so. Oh well. Her brother Tommy will be joining us instead!"

"I will?" said Tommy from backstage.

"Of course you will, idiot."

"Fine," mumbled Tommy, shuffling on stage. The crowd cheered, but obviously not as loud as they would have for Elena.

"Anyways, don't forget to vote, people!" said Ali.

_Oh look! It's another commercial break! Stay tuned!_

**That's chapter 3, people! Thanks for all the votes/reviews! Now I need votes for Best Villain! Review/vote!**


	4. Best Villain and Ali's Tantrum

_**The Ink Awards**_

_**(Part Four)**_

Things were starting to get exciting on the Ink Awards. Bears were attacking trucks, the stage caught on fire, a host was hospitalized, and Tommy Matthews was being forced into hosting in the place of his currently deranged sister. This was a problem for Tommy. He was terrified of large groups of people and Ali's paper cranes, therefore a terrible choice for a replacement host, but Ali was probably expecting an abnormally fast recover from Elena. Unfortunately, this isn't likely. Like, a zero percent chance she'll recover before 2060. That's how bad it is.

For Taurey, this was an absolute nightmare. Even worse then the time Ali found the storage room with the explosives and thought they were birthday candles so she put them in Adam the janitors birthday cake. And that was a complete disaster.

Back on stage, Tommy was trying to think up an escape plan while Ali presented the next award.

"Okay! So Best Villain goes to…"

'_Ring ring, ring ring! Call from Elena! Ring ring!'_ sang Ali's cell phone from her jeans pocket.

"Uh, Elena? We're in the middle of presenting an award." Ali said into the phone.

"Oh good." replied Elena "Am I on speakerphone?" Ali fiddled with the buttons and finally was able to hook the phone up to a speaker so everyone could hear the conversation.

"Hello everyone! This is Elena speaking. I hope no one voted Orpheus as Best Villain, because if you did, I'll _kill_ you!" said Elena cheerfully.

"Right, so Best Villain goes to… Basta! Yay!" says Ali. The crowd cheers and Elena screams, "HA! IN YOUR UGLY FACE, ORPHEUS!! EVERYONE HATES YOU AND WANTS YOU TO _DIE_. DO US ALL A FAVOR AND DIE!!!!!!!!!!!" This statement was followed by a mad laugh and a large thump on the ground, and many people running into Elena's hospital room saying, "Oh my god, she's hysterical! And unconscious again! This award show is really getting to her."

"So, apparently Elena passed out again. Oh well. Basta, come get your crane!" Ali said. The crowd cheered for Basta, but he didn't get up to get his award/crane.

"Uh, aren't you going to accept the award?" said Tommy.

"No." Basta replied staying stationary.

"Why not? You won it. It's a symbol of your awesomeness." said Elena.

"I don't need a piece of paper to know how cool I am." Basta said shortly.

"God, your stubborn." said Tommy. Basta just shrugged and made no reply.

"So, if you don't want it, what are we going to do with it?" asked Elena.

"Throw it out or something. The bird's a piece of crap anyways." Basta said. This remark hurt Ali's feelings and caused her to run away bawling her eyes out.

"Now I know why you're a villain!" she screamed from backstage before locking herself in her dressing room.

"Oh great!" yelled Taurey walking on stage, "Both hosts are gone and we're stuck with you, Tommy!"

"Um…thanks?" said Tommy, confused. Taurey rolled her eyes.

"There has been a slight problem with both our usual hosts, so Tommy will be hosting for the rest of the show until a decent substitute has been hired. Bear with us for now." Taurey said to the audience before walking offstage.

"I don't have a choice about this, do I?" asked Tommy.

"No," the crowd replied simultaneously.

"Okay…that was kinda creepy how everyone said that at the same time…"

"We know." everyone said at the same time again.

"…The next award to be presented is Worst Villain. Nominees are Basta, Orpheus, Mortola, the Piper, Capricorn and the Adderhead. Uh, is it time for a commercial break yet? Please say it is…" said Tommy before the Lawrence's Indoor Pool Installers commercial started talking about what cheese you should buy for each occasion.

**And that's chapter 4 people! Elena thanks everyone for the well wishes and reminds everyone to vote Orpheus for Worst Villain or suffer her consequences. Yes, Elena has gone mad, and no, there's nothing we can do about it. Well, except kill Orpheus. Now vote, 'cuz voting's fun and extremely healthy!**


	5. Worst Villain and Dave

_**The Ink Awards**_

_**(Part Five)**_

"Good news, Tommy!" Taurey cried happily, walking onstage. The audience was busy discussing the departure of the hosts. "We found a replacement host!"

"That was quick." said Tommy in surprise, "Who is it?"

At the same time Tommy said this, an abnormally large octopus was escorted on stage.

"Tommy, meet Dave." said Taurey proudly.

"Taurey, that's an octopus."

"I realize that."

"Why is there an octopus on the stage?"

"Because Dave is replacing you. He's the new host!"

"But he's an octopus."

"Obviously."

"You're replacing me with an octopus?"

"Of course we are. We couldn't get any kangaroos." Taurey glanced at the clipboard she was holding.

"Tommy, please get off stage. We're about to go live. Okay, Dave. We're live in 2. Here's the results for Worst Villain, and here's the crane." she said. Tommy scurried offstage while the giant octopus squirmed onstage.

***

Back in her hospital room (that was now under constant surveillance,) Elena sat watching The Ink Awards excitedly. The new host, who Taurey introduced as Dave, was an excellent filler host, since Ali had quit abruptly after being insulted by Basta. Dave wriggled on the stage and the crowd cheered, laughing at the funny joke Dave had just told them. When Dave squirmed again, indicating he was about to present the next crane, Elena froze, eyes fixed on the small T.V. set in her room. Her current guard sat snoring in the corner.

"Sh!" she hissed, "Dave's presenting Worst Villain." Silently, she vowed to kill the guard if Orpheus didn't win.

After more twisting from the octopus, the crowd cheered and whooped. Orpheus had won Worst Villain, so the crowd felt they could sleep safely in their beds without any fear of Elena killing them in their sleep. Unfortunately, none of the Ink characters spoke octopus or any animal language whatsoever, so they just thought the poor octopus was either suffocating out of the water or a convulsion.

Elena, however screamed in delight and went over and gave her guard a bone-crushing hug. Literally. Luckily, they were in a hospital already, so the doctors could operate straight away.

***

As the octopus lay twitching and squirming on the stage, (declaring the winner, but they didn't know it) the Ink characters sat there watching in confusion. Mo turned around to see Tommy sitting there, quite happy to have been kicked off the show, even though he had been replaced for a rather large sea-creature called Dave.

"Excuse me, Tommy," Mo whispered.

"It's Tommy, sir."

"Yes, of course it is. Why is there an octopus on the stage?"

"He's the new host."

"The octopus is the host?"

"That's what Taurey said. Oh, and Orpheus just won Worst Villain."

Orpheus turned in his seat and gave Tommy an odd look.

"I did?" he asked.

"Yeah, Dave just said so." said Tommy.

"But he's an octopus! Octopus's don't talk!"

"Actually, they do. Can't you talk Octoppapus?"

"Of course not! Who in their right mind can speak Octopupas?"

"It's Octoppapus, Orpheus. Everyone can speak it, actually."

"This is mad." muttered Orpheus. He stood up and got on stage, snatched his crane, and left the building altogether.

"He's not much of a loss," said a voice from beside Tommy. He looked over to see Ali there, cheering with the rest of the crowd.

"Where'd you come from?" asked Tommy. Ali pointed to the ceiling and Tommy saw a trap door with a ladder hanging down.

"Of course," Tommy muttered as Dave announced that the next award is Best Couple, and that canon pairing are optional to vote for, and use your imagination to come up with pairings.

**Sorry for the long wait for an update. I didn't get many votes last time, so I waited to see if I'd get anymore. So don't forget to vote! Anonymous reviews accepted!**


	6. Best Couple and a Ruined Marriage

**A/N: There will be a sequel of some sort to this story! No idea how and what it will be about, but there will be a sequel! If you have any ideas, please tell me! Oh, and sorry about the long wait for an update. I kept getting distracted…oh look! A piece of cheese!**

_The Ink Awards_

_(Part Six)_

Once again, things were going terribly on the Ink Awards. By now, this shouldn't come as a surprise to you. Dave suffocated on stage because of lack of water, and Taurey complained that Dave was being too dramatic just to get off the show. Luckily, Ali decided to host again, and Elena (somehow) escaped the hospital and came back to host.

"And we're back!" said Elena cheerfully.

"We only have an hour left, so we'll go right ahead and present Best Couple!" said Ali.

Taking this as a cue, Taurey rushed on with the results.

"Best couple goes to…" Ali said.

"DUSTFINGER AND MEGGIE!" shouts Elena. Every cheered, except Dustfinger and Meggie.

"Um…excuse me?" said Dustfinger in confusion.

"I said: DUSTFINGER AND MEGGIE!" repeats Elena in an ear splitting shriek.

"Exactly how many people voted for Meggie and I?"

"Oh, about 3." said Ali, looking at the result sheet. Reluctantly, Meggie and Dustfinger went onstage to accept their crane.

"Everyone cheer for the happy couple!" said Ali.

"We're not a couple!" said Meggie.

"I'm already married!" said Dustfinger. Both seemed quite annoyed.

"Sorry Meggie, but according to fanfiction, you _are_ a couple! And Dustfinger, you can't use marriage as an excuse, because everyone knows you and Resa were a couple in Capricorn's Village." Elena said, forgetting Roxane had no idea about Resa and Dustfinger.

"WHAT?!" shrieked Roxane for her seat. She looked just about ready to kill. "You never told me about this!"

"Um…sorry? Didn't think you'd want to know." said Dustfinger guiltily.

"I think I just ruined a marriage!" Elena said happily. Roxane screamed a little more, and stomped out of the theater.

"That was exciting," said Ali. Elena nodded.

"How about the happy couple kisses?" asked Elena.

"Um…I'd rather not." said Meggie. Elena narrowed her eyes and gritted her teeth.

"Kiss. Him. Or Else." said Elena, or the verge of spazing out again. Taurey rushed back onstage with some helpful advice.

"Unless you want Elena to throw a rampage, I'd suggest kiss. We can't afford to lose her again." she whispered to Dustfinger and Meggie.

"Okay…here goes…" muttered Dustfinger. And Meggie and him kissed. Perhaps not as deep and passionately as hoped, but it was good enough to satisfy Elena.

"There, was that so bad?" asked Ali.

"Well, it did lose me my wife…" said Dustfinger, but Meggie simply said "No, it wasn't."

"How about another kiss?" asked Ali.

"No thanks." said Meggie.

"I'm fine." Dustfinger said firmly. Elena frowned.

"Aw, but you two are so cute together! Just one more?"

"NO!" they said simultaneously. Elena glared at them and went to the corner to sulk.

"Anyway, here's your guy's award. I glued the two cranes together to represent you two being a couple!" said Ali, handing them their attached cranes. The cranes still looked like balls of paper, only now they were glued together. On one, in messy writing, Ali had written 'Dusty' and on the other was 'Meggie'.

"Next award is Funniest Character!" said Elena, suddenly happy again.

"Again, anyone can win this! Keep the votes coming!"

**Don't forget to vote/review, peeps! Oh, and I'm going to advertise my Role Play Forum! It's called Inkheart Roleplay! Right now it's only StrollingPlayer and I, therefore somewhat boring, so please come check it out!**


	7. Funniest Character and Bob Elliot

_The Ink Awards_

_(Part Seven)_

"Instead of boring you all with our pointless ramblings, we'll just cut to the chase and present Funniest Character!" said Ali.

"I don't get it, none of the Inkheart characters are very funny. They're all too serious and boring!" said Elena.

"Good point, Elena. Who came up with this award, anyway?"

"Bob Elliot."

"Somebody fire him."

Unfortunately, someone was a bit too literal and set poor Bob Elliot on fire. All that remains of him are his ashes. Rest in peace, Bob Elliot. You were a good man, with bad award ideas.

"So who wins the award, anyway?" asked Elena. Ali looked at the results.

"Hmm, this is new." she muttered.

"WHO WON?!" Elena shrieked.

"Oh right, who won. Well, no one did!"

The theater went absolutely quiet. Even the crickets didn't make a sound.

"What do you mean 'no one'? That's not possible! _Someone_ has to accept the award!" Elena yelled.

"I say we accept the award." Ali said.

"But we're not from Inkheart!" said Elena in confusion.

"But we are from the Ink Awards. That works for me!"

"Fine, we'll accept the award, just to get it over with." sighed Elena. Ali passes Elena a crane.

"We don't have to have a speech, do we?" asked Elena.

"Nah. Lets just say what next award is." Ali said, shrugging.

"Okay! Next award is Most Dramatic character. Anyone can win this award, excluding Orpheus and Roxane, who ran away."

"Don't forget to vote!"


	8. Most Dramatic Character and the Portal

**A/N: I could come up with a really good excuse as to why I haven't updated in forever, but I'm too lazy. I just kept getting distracted when trying to write this chapter. Well, anyways. Here's chapter 8!**

_The Ink Awards_

_(Part Eight)_

It was the oddest sensation the hosts and audience of the Ink Awards had. It was as if someone had paused time for over a month. But this feeling was quickly disregarded, and the show continued as usual.

Now for some reason, the most dramatic part of the show happened right before the "Most Dramatic Character" award was presented. The Inkheart characters threw tantrums every five seconds and were constantly having catfights with each other, claiming they would be pronounced Most Dramatic. It was most entertaining, really.

At the moment, Fenoglio is complaining about his life and how he messes everything up, and Meggie's whining about her complex love life. Mo and Capricorn are arguing about who makes a better thief while Elinor throws her most valuable books at Dustfinger, yelling at him about how he doesn't treat books properly. Resa and Basta, on the other hand, are having a deep conversation about why the alphabet is in the order it's in.

Finally, all votes had been received, and luckily no one was killed during the previous drama.

"Winner for Most Dramatic Character is…" Ali said.

"The old bat with the library!" Elena cheered. When no one went to accept the award, Mo whispered to Elinor, "I think they mean you."

Elinor was furious with the remark.

"Pardon me?" she said, "Did you just insult me?"

"Yup." said Elena, cheerfully. Elinor turned an unusual shade of red.

"You look like a lobster," Elena commented innocently. Elinor finally lost it and attacked Elena. Unfortunately for Elinor, TV award show hosts are now made of indestructible materials such as stone and marble, and Elinor broke 17 bones throughout her body on contact with Elena. Oh dear, this show is losing contestants faster then Ali moves when she's a sugar high. The crowd was silent as the paramedics carted Elinor away.

"So…" Ali said awkwardly, "Anyone want the crane?" The drama from earlier broke out again as everyone fought for the paper crane. Before anyone could grab the crane, an unexpected portal opened, and Frederick Von Blah jumped out, grabbed the crane, and jumped back into the portal.

"Was that Freddy?" Taurey asked, coming onstage after the portal closed. The two hosts nodded slowly.

"Hm, he still owes me from the last game of Duck, Duck, Fire Hydrant Hide-and-Go-Seek poker."

Once everyone had finally processed what had happened, Elena and Ali decided to start the voting for the next award.

"Next award will be Character With Strangest Obsession. Note that everyone except Elinor, Orpheus and Roxane can win this." Elena said.

"Vote, people!" Ali yelled.

**A/N: Frederick Von Blah will be in the sequel/prequel (haven't decided yet) to this fic, just in case you were wondering. So yeah, review!**


	9. Character With Strangest Obsession

**A/N: I know you all hate me for taking way too long to do updates, but I actually have a good excuse! Wait, no I don't. I guess my inspiration has recently decided to go on vacation. Without me, I might add. How dare it? Anyway, there's my amazing excuse. I've also recently discovered the Artemis Fowl series, and most of my time has been spent trying to come up with a Fan Fiction story plot for it. If anyone has read the series, and has a good plot, please tell me! I'm desperate! Anyway, here's the next chapter of The Ink Awards!**

_The Ink Awards_

_(Part Nine)_

As the votes were being tallied, Ali and Elena were leading a sing-along. What happened next was really a shame. For the owners of the Cora Theater, particularly.

Since Taurey was backstage, attempting to create a portal to the Nardigal dimension, Tommy brought out the results. He had already sneaked a peek at the results, and was a little nervous to hand it over to the two hosts. He stood over to the side the stage, watching uneasily as Ali opened the results.

"And winner of Character With the Strangest Obsession goes to…" Elena said.

Ali just stood there glaring ferociously at the paper.

"…Ali? Are you going to announce the winner?"

"…grr…"

"Who's the winner?"

"…grrBastagrr."

"Who? Oh, Basta! Yay! Come get your crane!"

"NO! HE ISN'T SPECIAL ENOUGH TO GET A FLIPPIN' CRANE, OKAY!? GRR, DIE, BASTA, DIE!"

Ali then proceeded to run off stage in search of something.

"Wow…was I this bad when Cheeseface won the awards?" Elena asked Tommy.

"Nope, you were worse." he replied, just as Ali ran back onstage with crated of explosives.

"I WILL KILL YOU, BASTA!" She shrieked.

"Never mind, Ali has managed to surpass your hatred."

Ali whipped a lighter out of her jacket pocket. Even Dustfinger was scared.

"Goodbye forever, Basta!" Ali dropped the lighter. Onto the boxes of explosives.

Uh oh.

Kaboom.

"Oof!" That was the sound the audience made as they were blasted out of the theater. There where 109 fatalities. Basta wasn't one of them.

"I did it!" Taurey said, running out of the exploding building, surprisingly unharmed, "The portal's up and running!"

The portal was, in fact, running around in circles.

"Why's everyone outside? Where's the theater."

"Ali blew it up." said Capricorn.

"Oh, no worries. Everyone, jump into the running portal. We'll continue the show in Nardigal!"

All the Ink characters immediately panicked.

"Oh, you're not still scared from the last incident there, are you?"

Of course they were. They were scarred for life.

"Before we go into the portal, let's tell viewers/readers what to vote on next." said Elena.

"Alright, but hurry up! It's hard to catch portals alone."

"Next award is Most Sue-ish or Stu-ish Character. Anyone, except the obvious, can win this! Have fun voting!'


	10. Most Sueish or Stuish and a Door

**A/N: Whoa. I'm wondering if anyone remembers me. I haven't updated anything in ages. If you forget who I am, or are just meeting me, I'm Pigeon, the deranged idiot who enjoys creating stupid little Inkheart humor fics that are silly enough to make people laugh. I'm also (finally) legally old enough to own this account. Yes, before yesterday I was only twelve. Isn't that amazing? Anyway, here's the (not so) greatly anticipated next chapter.**

_The Ink Awards_

_(Part Ten)_

Jumping into the portal was possibly the second most awkward thing the Ink characters, hosts, deranged producers, wimpy brother of host's, and viewers had ever had the absolute misfortune of enduring. To sum it up, it was about the same sensation as you get when you cause an extremely awkward silence, panic because you've lost something important (i.e. glasses, iPod, cell phone) and get dragged down and extremely steep and rocky hill. Or at least something like that.

It was hard to tell how much time it took to travel through the portal. Possibly 10 seconds, or maybe even a millennia. Everyone was a little scared to ask.

The portal spit the large group out in an obscenely bright yellow room. The walls seemed to stretch to infinity, and the only thing other than the entire cast, crew and audience of the Ink Awards in the room was a small side table with a stack of napkins resting on top of it. Upon noticing said napkins, the Ink characters cringed in fear. I could tell you why the napkins scared them so, but then I'd have no plot for the sequel, would I?

"Alright, everyone. Don't panic. You're safe as long as you don't talk to, look at, or even think about the napkins. Just head through that door over there," Taurey yelled, pointing madly to the right side of the room. Or was it the left? Directions and space obviously didn't matter in the strange chamber.

Everybody looked around in a panicked confusion, trying to find the door Taurey had mentioned.

"Elena, where on Earth—" started Elinor.

"You mean Nardigal," Elena corrected, examining a painting which had suddenly materialized on the wall.

"Of course. As I was saying, where's this door that strange woman was talking about?"

"Over there." Sure enough, a large door the size of an apartment building stood meters in front of the awestricken crowd. A young, moronic child skipped carelessly up to the door before a loud booming voice called out, "I am a door."

"Hello, door!" Ali chirped happily.

"Door, door, door!" the door sang.

"Right…" said Capricorn, questioning his current sanity.

"Tickle me!" the door cried out.

"You've got to be kidding me," Fenoglio muttered.

"Why did I sign up for this again?" the Black Prince asked himself wearily.

"Meggie, tickle the door." Taurey ordered.

"Why me?"

"Tickle the door, and you don't have to show up to the Awards next year." This was probably one of the best offers anyone from Inkheart had ever heard, and Meggie would have been stupid to have turned it down. She walked slowly up to the door.

"Hi." Said the door.

"Hi." Said Meggie. There was an awkward pause while the door waited to be tickled.

"So, I just tickle the door?"

"Natually," Elena nodded. Cautiously, Meggie reached out and tickled the monstrous door. It was terribly humiliating. The door cackled, chuckled, and hooted with loud laughter, giving everyone terrible headaches. Finally, the door stopped laughing, and said, "Please, again!"

"No." Taurey said sternly, pushing the now whining door open and leading the crowd into a large auditorium.

"Girls, go present the award, then we'll get everything situated, alright?" The two hosts nodded, jumping onto the only half built stage.

"Okay, so what was the award again?" Elena asked her co-host.

"Y'know, most Sue-ish or Stu-ish."

"Winner is Meggie."

"Anyone could've guessed that one."

"You'd be surprised, Ali, that not many people voted for her. Lots of single votes that time." Elena chucked the crane at Meggie, which hit her in the head.

"Next award is Best Overall Character."

"Then it's all over."

"No, we still have those two bonus awards for the writers on fanfiction dot net."

"Good point." Elena sighed, "So vote while you still can, viewers!"

**A/N: Yes, 'tis true. This fic is almost over. Votes for the three last awards are starting now, giving you time to check out all the Inkheart stories and authors. Winning authors will be written into the story. Good luck!**


	11. Best Overall and some FANBOYS 1!

**A/N: And I'm taking ages to update again. Forgive me. I have other stories too, y'know.**

_The Ink Awards _

_(Part 11)_

The Inkheart characters were suddenly in a great mood. The terror called _The Ink Awards _was nearing its end, and they'd soon be able to return home to their nice, not-so-normal, fictional lives.

"Not so fast!" Taurey hollered, disrupting their happy thoughts, "New catagory's just been added."

"What?" said Mortola angrily.

"But...after Best Overall Character, it's Best Catagory Author, and Best Catagory Story. Then we're done!" Farid whimpered.

"Not anymore," Taurey grinned evilly. She's kinda scary when she looks like that. "One voter/reviewer, Kallypso, requested a new catagory. And since the Authoress is a soft-hearted, innocent fool--"

Said Authoress stormed angrily onto the stage, because, yes, Authoresses _do _have the power to incorporate themselves into their story, and most don't really care that self-inserts are passionately hated by most people.

"I am _not _a soft-hearted innocent fool!" she screamed, "This is all to put them through more emotional pain than necessary, and I get more reviews this way, since there'll be another chapter to review!"

There was a pause.

"Reviews?" asked Meggie, "I thought this was a TV award show. What do you mean?"

The Authoress blushed, made some rude comments, and disappeared to her room to finish writing.

Within minutes, they entire conversation had been utterly disregarded and deemed a hallucination. After all, it wouldn't be surprising if it was.

Now Best Overall Character was just as, if not more, interesting to watch as Most Dramatic. Everyone babbled about their superiority and counted their fangirls/fanboys (is there such thing?). Naturally, the hosts let them fight it out for a good ten minutes before bursting bubbles and viciously abusing people's egos and self-esteem.

"Best Overall character is..."

"Dustfinger!"

There were curses, laughing, crying, squeals from fangirls, death threats, moaning, and a whole whack of other things. Dustfinger claimed the crane, and pulled an Orpheus, going on and on for seven solid hours about his epicness, while the fangirls drooled over him, and the haters slept. Elena _did not_ go psycho on him, and let him live. Only because she knew someone would sue/assassinate her if she killed him.

"Well, good job Dusty, but your going to have to get off the stage now," Taurey said, pushing him gently away. "Your certainly awesome, but we need to carry on with the show, okay?"

"Okay," he whimpered.

"Well, folks. It's now time to vote on Best Catagory Author!" Elena said.

"Any restrictions, Elena?" Ali asked.

"Not that I know of. Vote for yourself, see if I care."

At this, many authors brightened and their days were made.

**A/N: Ahem. . Thank you.**


	12. Best Catagory Author and HER Machine

**A/N: TOTAL APOLOGIES FOR NO UPDATES ON THIS OR THE GUIDE! I HAVE GOOD REASONS! For once. Unfortunately, I'm in the hospital, where I will be for God knows how long. So bear with me, it's hard to write when I'm all hooked up to machines. I hope this chapter is epic enough to make it up to you all. Again, I'm sorry. Don't hurt me.**

_The Ink Awards_

_(Part 12)_

Authors from all over the fandom sat impatiently awaiting the results. They had all desperately published silly little ficlets in hope to become Best Category Author. A few had potential, but most of them downright sucked. Oh well, they got points for trying.

A few of the Inkheart characters (namely Dustfinger) were being mobbed by authors with notebooks and pens, taking notes about proper characterization and thoughts. Fangirls chattered excitedly, and the Authoress sat in the corner typing furiously on a small laptop with a machine holding medicine and nutrients hooked up to her arm. No one payed her much attention, which suited her just fine.

Taurey waltzed onstage, wielding her trademark clipboard.

"Kay guys, show's cancelled. Can't find any bubble wrap. We have a stituation here. Call in reinforcements. This is a code red. I repeat: code red."

The Authoress scowled from her corner.

"I didn't write that! That's not supposed to be in my story! It's in your pocket! Moron, your supposed to do the Macarena!"

Taurey shot the young author a sympathetic look, "Sorry, love. You no longer control this fic."

The Authoress grumbled something and continued typing. Taurey sighed.

"Anyway, I was just kidding. Show's going ahead as planned."

Several Inkheart members moaned audibly.

"Sorry guys!" Elena chirped, "Just hang in a little longer, okay? We're almost done."

"Then you go home for a week. Then your back!" Ali added.

There was a silence.

"What?"

"But...we're not due back for another year!"

"This is awfull!"

"But...but...the _roadtrip_, guys! We missed last year's, so Elena figured two this year would make up for it!"

"How--considerate--of--her." Elinor growled through gritted teeth.

"I know, right?" Elena grinned broadly, "I _knew _you'd love the idea."

There was an awkward silence.

"Ahem. Shall we present the crane, Elena?" Ali asked her co-host. Elena shrugged, pulling one from her pocket. All authors in the room perked up, watching with great interest, hoping their name would be called.

"And the winner is..."

"Pink Pigeon!"

There was a surprised silence, followed by clapping, cheering, and a good amount of curses. The Authoress glanced up from her computer.

"Wait...what?"

"The winner is Pink Pigeon." Elena repeated.

"Hey, that's me!" the Authoress grinned and started muttering things under her breath as she dragged the machine towards the stage. "Ha. It worked. Total guilt factor. Say they can vote for the best author...morons. This was brilliant."

A few people she passes gave her odd looks and nasty gestures, but she ignored them.

Ali passed the Authoress a crane.

"Alright...acceptance speech? Ahem." Pink Pigeon took a deep breath, looking over the crowd dramatically. "Hi."

There was a silence, while they waited for her to continue.

"Er...is that it?" asked Taurey.

"No, course not. Um, thanks for the award, guys. But I think it's only right to inform you all you were brainwashed--in a sense. It was all part of my master plan to, uh, well, uh, y'know."

"Win?"

"Yeah. Win. Anyway, love you all (and keep reviewing!)" She hurried off back to her computer to finish the chapter, so no lovely readers would strangle her for taking far too long to post.

"What an odd girl." Tommy commented from the sidelines.

"Next award is Best Catagory Story. Vote for yourself, a friend, an enemy, someone you don't know, that girl with the creepy machine."

"DON'T INSULT ME! I CAN CONTROL YOU!"

"Vote!" cheered Elena.


	13. Best Catagory Story and Nothing Happens

**A/N: Would aiming for 100 reviews by the final chapter be at all possible, guys? You know I love you dearly, and I'm sure you don't all hate my guts. So let's work together... I give you an awesome update, and you leave me plenty of reviews? Please? Thanks. Bye.**

_The Ink Awards_

_(Part 13)_

Just when you thought things couldn't get any stranger.

The package was found by an unsuspecting Farid, who was trying to escape the Awards through a secret passageway her found behind an onimous stone door.

It was small and triangular, wrapped in used Christmas wrapping paper that had been taped together to have a decent sized sheet. A small card was tied to it, and a quick message was scrawled across it in fancy handwritting.

'Beware the walrus'.

Farid, unsure of what to do, did the very worst thing possible.

He asked Taurey for advice.

"Um, Taurey?"

"Yes, Arabian-Kid-I-Couldn't-Care-Less-About?"

"I found something."

"Oh, lovely. Now go away."

"It's triangular."

"I prefer square objects."

"There's paper on it, decorated with round white people and horses with light-up noses."

"Ah. Aliens."

"There's a note attached, as well."

"Fascinating."

"It says, 'beware the walrus'."

Taurey finally looked away from her clipboard and down at Farid, "Words to live by, kid. Words to live by."

Farid stared at her uneasily, "Alright... But what do you think I should do with it?"

"It's wrapped, right?"

"Yes."

"Then unwrap it, moron."

Farid did as he was told.

And nothing happened.

"This doesn't make any sense," said Tommy as her read the results Elena had shoved in his face moments earlier, "How is this even possible?"

Elena shrugged, "Not sure, but it sure is cool!"

"But...this is a TV awards show...not a fanfic. How were we even elegible?"

"Stop complaining, Tommy," said Ali, "We won, alright?"

"Alright..."

Elena and Ali pushed Tommy offstage and turned to the audience.

"Results are in."

"Though they don't make sense..."

"SHUT-UP TOMMY!"

"Ahem. Winner of Best Category Story is..."

"The Ink Awards."

There was a silence.

There was much confusion.

There was also a gopher.

"YES!" screamed the Authoress from her quaint corner, "I AM SO DOMINATING THIS FREAKING THING! TWO AWARDS, OH YEAH!"

"...I think that girl has a lot to explain to us when this is over."

"I agree, Mortimer."

"Thank you, Elinor."

The Authoress went up to the stage, did a mini victory dance, grabbed the crane, saluted the audience, and disappeared into the sidelines once again.

There was more silence.

There was more confusion.

There were more gophers, but just disregard the fact.

"Um...the next award to be presented is the last one, guys!"

"We're coming to a close end! So be sure to vote for Best OC!"

**A/N: Time for some self-advertising...**

**I'm not sure if anyone's aware of this, but I recently updated the Guide.**

**And no one's reviewed it.**

**IT'S BEEN OVER A WEEK, GUYS! WHERE ARE ALL MY FAITHFUL REVIEWERS? D:**

**-whimpers- And I was extremely pleased with the new chapter, too. I thought someone else would feel the same way...**


	14. Thank God It's Over

**A/N: Let's just get this over and done with.**

_The Ink Awards_

_(Part 14)_

_Yep, it's finally over._

A lonely custodian swept his was through the vast stadium. There was a sort of humming noise coming from backstage, and some loud pop music, but otherwise all was quiet.

Some would refer to this as the calm after the storm.

Due to some terribly unfortunate events including an invisible walrus and the Inkheart characters rioting, the final award was cut from the show. That, and the show had already passed their yearly budget, and couldn't afford any more airtime.

Streamers hung limply across the floor and draped over the seats while fine pink glitter was still slowly falling from the ceiling.

Somewhere in the room sat a walrus.

The walrus in general hadn't caused much damage. More it's very presence. Meggie had been the first to notice it when it tried to sit on her, but that's the most the walrus did the entire night. Sat.

But it was having his daughter sat on by a walrus that really set Mo off. It was the final straw. He drew his sword and swung it around, yelling like a madman. How he managed to get the sword past security is beyond our knowledge, because _we swear_ you're well being and safety is remarkably important to us, and weapons aren't (typically) allowed.

After Mo began threatening the show and it's hosts, the rest of the characters began to follow suit. Dustfinger set his crane on fire in protest, causing Ali to have a mental breakdown. Elena was arrested for illegal teleportation of large crowds, having been ratted out by Elinor. Basta, Fenoglio and the Adder had chased poor Tommy into hiding, while Taurey was safe and oblivious at home, sipping her tea, deciding the pay for the show just simply wasn't worth it.

Once the chaos had died down, the audience was (legally) teleported home, as were the Inkheart characters. All that was left of the Show was a messy auditorium and a lonely janitor. Oh, and a walrus.

And so ended the Ink Awards.

Forever, hopefully.


End file.
